I’m Ready To Conquer My Fears

Anxiety is just fear disguised. Fear in my case being a multitude of things; I have anxieties about driving, taking medication, public speaking, meeting new people, social situations in which I am the focus, chronic or deadly illness and mostly school situations of any kind. Most if not all of these fears have kept me avoiding situations in which these fears may arise. I skip school, make promises I end up not keeping, I am unreliable. My fears make me look like a shit person. It makes people think I’m always crying wolf. It makes people turn away from me and be turned off by me. It makes me really self conscious and chips away relentlessly at my self-esteem.

Most normal people would conquer their fears but, not me. I run. I hide. I sulk and cry. I panic. I want to conquer my fears though. I’m over being the unreliable friend, the bad friend, the person who doesn’t go after her dreams because she is too held back by her fears. Two years ago I was so excited to start my career in the beauty industry and now I can’t even show up to school because of my fears. I’ve lost clients because of my unaccountability. I haven’t driven to see friends in their time of need because I was too afraid my car would let me down and explode on the interstate or I would crash and be stranded in BFE with no one to help me. I’ve panicked and haven’t taken my medication that I needed because I was afraid I would react to it or have horrible side-effects. I haven’t travelled abroad because my fears have crippled me so many times. I dropped out of school because I couldn’t manage my mental health. I don’t want to do that again. I want my life to be able to change not be held back by anxieties.

I need someone to help me make a plan. I need to contact a therapist. I need to take my medication and trust myself to know when the side-effects are real or just imaginary. I need to take care of my body and not eat just out of comfort. I need a plan to finish school. I need to start making up time at school. I need to just stay and get things done. I need to occupy my mind. I can’t stay home and obsessively think and overload my mind with EVERYTHING that could possibly go wrong. The more I go on in life the more I become this hard person. This scaly, thick skinned person. This person that thinks shitty things about people. I’m so sick of myself and what I do and how I constantly shut down instead of face the music. I’ve done it all my life and I need help relearning how to be a functioning member of society. I’m just so sick of being me!

I always used to sit and fantasize about my “alter-ego”. She doesn’t have a name but she is what I call the real me. She says everything I’m too scared to say. She acts the ways I’m too scared to act. My alter-ego is like my ‘Youtube persona’. Confident. Has her shit together. Gives informed and confident consultations to clients. Is ok talking to people. Travels all of the world. She’s the real me. The girl I’m looking in the mirror at. Her picture is clear as day; I know exactly who she is. But still that pane of glass is still between us. I can’t reach out and feel what she radiates, everything I wish I had. Or maybe its better to say she can’t reach out and touch me. She can’t instill all those qualities in me.



Beauty School & Business Cards

Yes! It’s that time again for an update on school and life! *I feel like I just channeled my inner Shane Dawson with my ‘Yes!’ intro* But I digress. It’s been quite a while since I updated on the events at school, life and work. Not entirely too much has changed. It’s basically the same-ole’-same-ole’.

School has been rough. We changed teachers a few modules ago and I’m not sure if it’s that or the combination of things that’s made me lose a lot of my motivation to even show up to class. Don’t get me wrong I still love cosmetology (hello, thats what this blog is about!) and our new teacher is just as qualified as our last; it’s just not the same atmosphere in class anymore. And it won’t be for much longer because I go on the floor in a few weeks to start working on live clients. (I get nervous cramps just thinking about it) I feel like I’m not learning as much as I did before and I’m anxious to get going on the floor and in the career. Truth be told, I’m more excited to finish cosmetology so that I can jump right into esthetics. That’s just where I feel my heart is!

That’s making it 10x more difficult to keep attending school when hair just isn’t where my passion is focused. I have to keep reminding myself that hair is the ‘bread and butter’ of the industry and it’s only going to enhance me if I hold multiple licenses. Again, don’t get me wrong, I love hair cutting and styling. Just this past week I cut my sisters hair and gave her bangs!! I’ve also been working on perms using perm rods and trying out different styles on my sister and mannequins.  You can see more of my hair work by visiting my Instagram: makeupaccordingtograce !

I just feel like my talents are better suited in makeup. And it’s led me to a dilemma: should I take a leave of absence from school and work on starting my makeup company OR just keep pushing through? Have any other students felt this way about school, cosmetology or otherwise? Let me know in the comments!

Speaking of makeup company; I ordered official makeup artist business cards for myself! They arrived earlier this week. I am so pleased with how they turned out. Shout out to VistaPrint! (Totally not spons’ lolololol) I can’t wait to starting handing out my cards. I especially can’t wait to get my business on it’s feet. There’s a lot I need to figure out. Like, how much do I charge for makeup application? For bridal parties? Prom? Special effects? Etc? And what can I do to make myself not just a makeup artist but something extra? I need to provide a service that not many or any other makeup artists offer. I’m really excited to start working on that and my business website. I can’t wait!

As far as blog news goes…I plan on buying my domain soon!!  So instead of .wordpress.com, it will just be a dot com! I’m really excited to have my own domain and more ability to customize and remove or keep ads and be able to use this blog as a source of income. Again, I can’t wait! I’ll update again soon so please subscribe.



Non-Presenter’s Honest Review of Younique


I’ve spent a long time thinking about how to go about writing a review for Younique. I have started multiple drafts but none of them seemed to really show what I wanted to say about Younique in a way that didn’t come across too strong. So, lets just start off with some background: I was asked by a presenter who I went to high school with to do a review of Younique in exchange for free products. I agreed and some time went by before I decided to throw a Younique party for her so myself and my friends and family could try out products too.

If you don’t know how most of these “self-starting” businesses where you sell products for a commission from the company work, well you basically can host parties for the person who is selling the product and then the host and person with the business gets commission and free or discounted products. Usually the discounts to the host are based on the productivity of the party, so the more party-goers buy the more free or discounted product you can choose from. By the time my party was closed I had earned enough that I only had to pay for shipping on the products I wanted to try.

I chose to give each of what I like to call the “staple” products that Younique sells a go! I ordered their Mineral Touch Liquid Foundation, Mineral Touch Skin Perfecting Concealer, and was gifted the Moonstruck 3D Fiber Lashes+ and Lucrative Moonstruck Minerals Lip Gloss. For this review I’m only going to be talking about the foundation, concealer and mascara mostly because I haven’t had the chance to test the waters with the lip gloss yet. Lets get started:

Moonstruck 3D Fiber Lashes+ 


I thought it would be best to start with this product because it was the one myself and a lot of people get most excited about. It’s the one you see all over social media advertising the power of this product to multiply the length and fullness of your lashes by 400%!! How it claims to do that is by a 3 step process: First you apply the “transplanting gel” aka mascara, followed by the lash fibers and finally another coat of transplanting gel, as they call it.  You can also keep repeating the process until you’ve reached the desired level of lash you want. Simple as that!

It should be that simple if you can somehow manage to avoid the tiny needle-like fibers from getting in your eyes (sometimes full clumps of the fibers!) or the product doing virtually nothing for the length of your eyelashes. I tried this product for a week and I literally ruined my makeup from my eyes watering profusely every time I used this. I’m surprised a company can market itself as hypo-allergenic when this is how my eyes looked after using their “miraculous” fiber lashes. (This is just an example, not my actual eye.)what_is_younique_a_scam_3d_fiber_mascara_infection2-min

It did help with the fullness that is if you enjoy your lashes looking like tiny hairy spiders.  I’m sorry I’m being so negative about this but I was so disappointed with such a hyped up product. I’m honestly glad I didn’t have to pay the $38 USD for this. Yes, 38! I feel like the price only justifies the hype, not the results. Skip this staple if you value your money and your eye health.

Mineral Touch  Liquid Foundation


This product promises a even application that will smooth and blur imperfections in the skin. It says it uses “optical diffusers” and “time release” pigments to improve the look of the skin and skin texture. Its supposed to be a light weight foundation with a satin smooth finish. It is said to provide long-lasting coverage. All of their foundations come in a long line of skin tones including attention to under-lying tones such as pink, blue, green and yellow. I love that about these foundations because most foundation lines have a hard time discerning under-lying tones and mostly stay in the pink range. For my skin tone I think I chose the wrong shade and should have went for the Velour shade which is light with yellow undertones. But I digress and will now focus on the quality of the product and less on my ability to color match!

I find it kind of strange that you have to shake the foundation before each use for the minerals to mix but to each his own I suppose. Of the product itself I love the dropper applicator because of your ability to control the amount of product usage. Thats very useful considering the fountain costs $42 USD that I would rather not waste product on. The consistency of the product is so strange when you first use it. To someone who has never tried a product like this it comes across as oily and greasy, that is until has time to set into the skin. Then it turns into a powdery finish that I absolutely love because it feels so light weight!

The foundation is advertised as sheer to medium coverage but you can honestly build it to a medium/full coverage and still get the light weight, airy feel. I really enjoyed this product and will try other shades in the future. I recommend this to someone who likes BB creams for light makeup days but has felt, like most of us have, that BB creams don’t provide enough coverage. I feel like this may also be good for prom and bridal makeup because of the light weight texture and ability to build up to the desired coverage. Is it my go-to for myself all the time? No but I’ll use it on my low maintenance days.

Mineral Touch Skin Perfecting Concealer


Formulated with high concentrated pigments and moisturizers to smooth and improve the skin, boy does this concealer pack a punch! This is the best concealer I’ve ever owned. A little goes a long way with this little dude. It truly can cover any imperfection! This concealer is also multi-versitale. You can use it to conceal, correct & even highlight. I’m considering even ordering some shades to contour with. It sells for $29 and I think its totally worth it. Especially for someone with problematic, scarred skin like myself you will truly enjoy your investment in this product. I know I have!

So after these conclusions how does Younique perform as a company?

Since trying out their staple products and learning more about them as a brand I see room for improvement and growth in an already ambitious company. The really good thing I’ve seen is the Younique Foundation which donates proceeds from their products to help fight sexual abuse. This is such a great cause to empower women and support victims of sexual violence. I love this! Other great things are their “Love It” Guarantee. Don’t love your product? You can send it back and receive a refund. Great customer service and appreciation.

I did run into a few problems and concerns. Ordering is a multi-step hassle sometimes. You’re asked a long array of information to provide that seems like it can be done in one continuous form instead of multiple. I had an issue where my address on my card didn’t match the address I needed to send it to and my money was withheld for 3 days and customer service was no help telling me my bank would have to handle it from there. Kind of frustrating!

Lastly and I’m not sure if something like this already exists within the Younique Presenter training (or if there is any training) but I wish the presenters were given training on how to color match and find products that look nice on certain skin tones for their customers. I think it would help them really sell Younique’s foundation lines and get non-makeup wearers into it more if they knew what products to suggest to them. Just some food for thought!

I hope you enjoyed my long winded review and you will try out some of these products for yourself. You can buy from my presenter by clicking this link! She is a really sweet girl and will help you find just what you need. Subscribe either through WordPress or email to keep up with me, my life and any future reviews and tutorials!

Jaclyn Hill x Morphe Palette Review 


*Screams ala Jaclyn Hill*

I’m so excited to review this!! The debate was real whether to order Naked Heat or this palette and I just couldn’t resist getting this one. There are so many extraordinary colors in this palette, especially the rich turquoise and royal blue and purples. And those opal-ly iridescent pinks!! OMG, just gorgeous!! Not to mention the in-between tones and shades that are a perfect essential palette for makeup artists.


I swatched a few of my favorites and for the majority I’m over the moon about them. There were a few I was disappointed with but those were mostly the really dark matte colors, which are hard to get in pigmentation. This is a problem with most palettes I’ve come across. It’s just difficult to get a dark matte with extreme pigmentation like I was expecting. This is disappointing because in Jaclyn’s reveal video she talks about how much of a process her and Morphe went through to create a new pressing process to create these creamy almost wet- feeling shades. So, to say the lease I was expecting more pigmentation in 1 or 2 of the shades I swatched.


You may realize how I’m not naming the shades specifically; this is because THEY AREN’T NAMED ON THE PACKAGING! ANYWHERE!! Yes, they have names. As I’ve mentioned Jaclyn has a reveal video of her palette where she names each color but, there isn’t a card or name plate under each color to help identify them. This is upsetting because it makes it hard to explain what color you’re using when doing tutorials. When they have names its annoying to have to say something like “third color down on the right” when you could easily just say “Royalty” or what-have-you.

I cannot say enough good things about the creaminess, and pigmentation on the majority of these shades. I’m blown away! Not only are they pigmented but they are the easiest shades to blend I have ever seen! This palette is one of my favorite’s I’ve ever owned. I would recommend this palette to anyone. It really is the perfect palette for makeup artists and beginners alike. Jaclyn has indeed created the essential palette!

Here is the look I created:


If you want to see more looks using this palette follow me on Instagram.

Final note: This palette is definitely worth the hype. The shadows are extremely creamy and blendable. The glitter and satin shades are extremely pigmented with minimal to zero fallout. The lighter matte shades are very very pigmented but when you get to the darker shades it takes more build up to create the rich color you see in the pot. You may need a stickier primer to get those shades to stick with any considerable pigmentation. This is my new found essential in my makeup kit!

I’ve been dealing with something. 

Today is the first day in a while I woke up motivated. For a while now I haven’t wanted to get out of bed much less go to school, work or hang out with friends. This morning (11:30 this morning to be exact) I woke up to my boyfriend cleaning the apartment and something in me made me get up. I got up and asked if Kyle would run and get us Starbucks, mine with an extra shot and I started cleaning the kitchen whilst he ran to Starbucks. 

This is a big deal because I haven’t felt like eating or drinking anything the past few weeks nor have I been motivated enough to clean up our new apartment. Before I knew it the kitchen and bathroom were clean and I started hanging some of our art pieces and dry erase calendars on the walls.

 I still didn’t feel like eating or seeing people but I felt a tinge of motivation to take a shower and get ready for school. This is huge to because up until today I can’t remember the last time I took a shower much less washed my hair and combed it. Kyle left for a movie and I started cleaning out my backpack and purse which turned into our entire room. 

It felt good to see our home cleared of debris! It’s funny how when you feel depressed and let’s be honest slightly suicidal how you become your environment and how when your depressed your environment becomes your depression. Once you clear it away though sunshine starts peaking through the clouds a little. 

During this process I realized I was shaking and not because I was angry or crying but because I was so hungry! So I ate today, not because I had to but because my body genuinely wanted and needed me to. I still don’t feel like doing much. I’ll probably go home tonight after school and watch another season of the Golden Girls and go to bed at 1 am only to wake up at 3 and stay up till 6 and sleep again until noon. That’s how my nights have been recently. I’ll probably think about how sad I am and how anxious and depressed I am a million times tonight and how uninterested I am. 

But at least I got up today and I let my motivation take me like a storm and I’m gonna let myself feel sad when it wants to and happy again. Until the time comes when I muster up the motivation to call my doctor and go back on medication and therapy again. That’s part of the problem though outside of writing about it I don’t know how to communicate any of this to anyone. I know it’s confusing for people especially my friends and kyle when I just become uninterested and numb. I wish I knew how but again maybe when I muster something out of myself to start therapy and medication I can learn how. But for now I’m just dealing with …something. 

What The Hell, Nutribullet?!

About 2 months ago I purchased the NutriBullet Pro with the intention of cutting fast food from my diet & supplementing meals (which previously consisted of fast food) with green smoothies. I had a gift card from our birthdays worth $125 for Kyle and I to use for our next place so why not buy this appliance I had had my eyes on for a good year? Anyway the NutriBullet sat in the box up until a week ago when we moved and had space to use it properly. 

That was the moment I cut fast food, mostly, we went to McDonalds once and Subway 2 times, from my diet. Surprisingly it’s been an easy change! I love the smoothies I’ve been blending up like a mad scientist and the different ingredients I’ve been discovering to use in my drinks. Who knew putting so many odd things in a turbo-blender essentially would taste so good and be so filling? Speaking of changes let’s talk about some more changes I’ve noticed…

Holy energy! I’ve had so much more energy since I kicked fast food and started drinking smoothies. It’s been really refreshing! 

…Breakouts… okay I can only attribute this to my skin purging itself of all the toxins because of this new surge in nutrients. Totally pulled that out of my ass! But plausible? 

Bathroom problems? I say that with a question mark because they aren’t really problems they’re just frequent. Pee or poo, I’m doing a lot more of it either way. 

Surprises! Brought to you by Aunt Flow. I noticed yesterday that I wasn’t as bloated as normal even though normally a week before my period I look a good 8 months pregnant. I wasn’t! And lo and behold today my period starts a whole week early. Surprise?

I’ll keep this blog updated as far as any other changes. I’m excited to see where this new journey takes me! 

Cheap Beauty Supply Makeup Palettes Review 

They were only $7!!


What’s up ladies and gents? I’m here today to review some incredibly inexpensive makeup palettes for you. No, there were not from Sally’s or Cosmo Prof. The palettes o found were actually from a little store next to my school called Grace Beauty, ironically.

The first palette I want to talk about is the 24 Rose Gold Palette. This palette has a wide range of romantic rose colors and glittery golds, cranberries & mocha shades. I think these colors would be perfect for bridal makeup & prom looks. Let’s talk pigmentation and color pay off.

At first swatch this palette was a little disappointing. I’m not going to lie to you the color pay off was at times mediocre and some colors didn’t even show up on my skin tone. For my swatches I was only using my finger but when I used a brush to do my sisters makeup using only shades from this palette I was pleasantly surprised by how well they performed! Check out her look:

One final word(s) on this palette, my sister complained it did stain a little. I don’t know if this was my error since my brushes happened to be a little damp from cleaning then earlier in the day or if the product does stain. Oil based remover ended up taking the “staining” right off. Error on the side of caution when using this palette if you happen to find it locally.

I also used the contour palette to complete my sisters impromtu prom inspired look. I have little to no bad things to say about this lovely gem! The shades are hella pigmented and creamy smooth. The one highlighter shade you get with this one is very subtle and needs built up to create bolder highlighting. I happen to like that about this palette. Everyone is in to bold highlight but some clients may not be familiar with highlighting and a bold highlight may be to much so this gives you the option to build it up to their specific taste.

Let’s talk about the contour shades. Holy pigmentation! These colors come off rich and bold for a wide range of skin tones. I love this palette! One piece of advice: find a good tool to blend these out with while your contouring because they can be slightly difficult.

Overall I’m pretty pleased with my beauty supply palettes. Both together were $15 but I got them for closer to $12 with my student discount. Well worth the money in my opinion!



If you liked this review & are interested in more, follow my blog or subscribe by email.  And stay tuned for more reviews & tutorials!